All this talk about relationships in my blog sometimes detracts from the overarching goal of self-development: happiness. Being happy in your life, with or without a relationship, is the key indicator for relationship readiness and relationship satisfaction for any man. This same rule applies to any part of your life, whether it be work, family, recreation, or friendships. If you're not happy with yourself, anything outside of you will provide temporary satisfaction at best.

Happiness can be simpler than we make it. At it's most reduced form it is a way of thinking. The pattern that defines your particular way of thinking, you have likely been doing most of your life. This way, pattern, or habit of thought determines whether you feel happy or unhappy. 

Let's break it down in binary form: happy - unhappy. 

Unhappy people interpret situations as problems. The automatic thought when something unexpected or any sort of issue arises goes something like: "Oh no, not this again!" "Why does this always happen with me?" Or "This always happens at the worst possible moment!" This automatic, habitual thinking triggers a rush of neurochemistry that leads to negative feelings, anger, sadness, dread, anxiety, and chronic discontent.

People who are happy perceive situations as opportunities. Whether you feel happy or unhappy can be determined by your frame of mind. Perceiving a conflict as a chance to improve yourself, improve upon something (like conflict resolution skills), perfect, finalize, deal with unfinished business, solve something unresolved, etc. This frame of mind leads people to have a higher likeliness of following through and solving the problem life has put before them. Because of this tendency happy people are more likely to feel a sense of accomplishment, one of many factors that lead to happiness.

Your brain the way it has been shaped by your experiences thus far and your genes are not completely fixed structures. Your brain has the capacity to change and evolve. This is due to neural plasticity. New experiences, new habits, new ways of thinking create new neural pathways that can alter your brain chemistry. 

If you have had a difficult childhood, experienced trauma or abuse, grew up with depressed or unhappy parents you CAN still live a happy life. Being happy will likely take more work and discipline for you than someone who grew up in a family where happiness was more the norm. I will give you an quick example you can put into practice right now. If you have had a difficult childhood and have seen this as a disadvantage, you can change the way you look at this as now. Look at your difficult upbringing as an advantage. I am not just flipping the script either. I really mean this, so let me explain: Those who put the work into being happy I find end up feeling MUCH happier than those who don't have to do very much to maintain their happiness. If you're putting in the work to be happy you are going to appreciate those times you are happy much more than someone who does not have to put in effort to attain happiness. Those who do not need to put effort into being happy often TAKE IT FOR GRANTED.

Bottom line, if you are not happy with yourself, the likelihood that you will find a relationship that is good for you is very low. In fact unhappiness threatens to inhibit success and satisfaction in any part of your life. If you do find a relationship, or launch a new business venture, etc, and you've done it for the wrong reasons what you've worked for is at risk. Or if you have done it for the right reasons, then you may not stick with what it takes to keep up with what it takes to keep the new relationship or other venture going. The goal is establishing intrinsic motivation. Find the source of motivation and inspiration inside yourself. 

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If you're a Nice Guy who is tired of not getting the girl, or feel like you keep getting the short end of the stick in relationships, I will be running an in-person and online group called Self Respect for Nice Guys. I'm here to coach you how to use your authentic personality to your advantage to get the type of attraction you want and find a happy, healthy relationship or turn the tide in one that is not making you happy. No more getting walked all over by women, no more seeing only other guys get the girl. It's your turn now... It's time to make it happen! This is for motivated men who are willing to take the next step, but need some direction. If you want to sign up for this group, do so here: www.selfrespectforniceguys.com. This is more than the regular email list. This group is for men who are ready to be active in the next step in their personal transformation. 

Make sure to reserve your spot in the group! Availability is limited... www.selfrespectforniceguys.com